Thursday, October 21, 2010

Week 5 - Day 5 - moody family

Everything in my house is crap. My partner is being really moody, my 16 year old daughter is looking at me as if she wished I was dead and my 14 year old isn't much better. What is it with them all??? or is it me????
My partner suffers from depression and does have periods of moodiness. I actually went and counted his meds this morning because I thought that perhaps he wasn't taking them. He is! When he is like this he becomes manic about having a clean and tidy house. Our house is kept spotless at the best of times but he is manic. It is very hard to live with this and he is extremely hard on my children when he's like this. He also has a great knack of making me feel guilty about doing things without him or going out without him. I have always tried to do all my activities that are away from home (like the gym), before anyone gets up in the house. I've tried to learn that he shouldn't make me fell guilty and I have to keep things in perspective in my head. I've only been out 1 night this week and that was for a Relay for life meeting followed by tennis with my youngest. 1 night only but I know he has it in his head that I'm never home.
He also has a knack of making me feel guilty about time I spend with my children. He just doesn't get the parent thing totally. He has an adopted daughter and they don't have the greatest relationship. I don't think he has ever really been a "real" father to her. And I don't think he gets the bond that a mother and her children have. He had such a bad childhood and I think he missed out on a lot of relationship stuff and doesn't know what it is all about, especially with parents and children. He is only like this when his depression is acute but it is very hard to deal with. It makes me feel like I'm in an impossible position and that I can't be stretched among everyone far enough.
So I went to the gym this morning and ran on the tready for 20 mins and then did a pump class. this was all before anyone was awake in my house. I was going to a boxing class tonight but I've cancelled because I don't want to be made to feel guilty and I don't want to have to put up with his shitty mood if I go.
Time to take control and sit him down for a talk about how he makes me feel when he is like this and the effect it has on the entire household.
Next in line will be the 16 year old. She needs to learn about respect and treating people nicely. Obviously something crappy is going on in her life so she takes it out on me. She is such a deep child and hard to get to the bottom of things with her but I can't take this attitude and rudeness anymore.

No comments:

Post a Comment